When Grief Stopped Our Homeschool, and Yet the Kids Didn’t End Up “Behind”
This has been on my mind today…
In the fall of 2020, we had a death in the family. The kids were struggling. I was wrecked. And academic learning came to a screeching halt.
I want to be clear: learning never really stops—kids are always learning. But “schoolwork”? That stopped completely. Instead, the kids played with toys. We read books before bed. They watched a lot of TV. We just… existed together.
By February, the fog of grief had lifted only enough for me to feel the heavy weight of guilt. I felt like I had failed my kids that year. I knew I should restart, but I couldn’t find the energy. That guilt eventually pushed me toward my first experiences with online learning. I signed up for a math program, a typing platform, a science video subscription. None of it was structured or connected—I just needed to feel like the kids were doing something. To be honest, I wasn’t really paying attention.
Fast forward to the next year. We started a new grade. I had no idea what they had learned—or not learned—the year before. So I thought, let’s just start fresh and see what happens. And wouldn’t you know it? They were fine. We backfilled here and there, but there wasn’t the gaping hole in their knowledge that I’d been bracing for.
I once read a story from someone who had grown up as a refugee. They had missed three years of formal schooling. When they came to America, they were placed in the grade that matched their age, not their transcripts. And you know what? They did just fine.
That stuck with me. Because the truth is: kids in school aren’t learning as much as we assume. And our kids at home are learning so much more than we realize—even when we think we aren’t “teaching.”
Looking back, I really believe that the space homeschooling gave us to grieve properly—as a family, at our own pace—helped us heal faster and carry less long-term pain. If we had been tied to public school’s “back to normal” timeline, I think the scars would have run deeper.
So if you’re in the middle of a big life change—grief, divorce, a move, a season that shakes your family—please don’t stress about schoolwork. Take care of yourselves. Focus on healing. The academics can wait. And I promise: your kids will be just fine.
Lindsey
certified special-ed educator & co-founder, Schoolio