Tag: school

Is School Giving Your Child Anxiety?

Is school giving your child anxiety? Read the following short story and decide.

It’s morning, and you just spilled your coffee all over the counter because you forgot to put a mug underneath the coffee spout. You finally got the coffee disaster cleaned up, only for your youngest child to spill their cheerios all over the floor. The dog has started to devour all the cheerios off the floor, then promptly begins to vomit it all up.

All the while your oldest child has been following you around because she wants to tell you about how her friend stole her idea for a robot that serves ice cream in their imagination world. With all the chaos going on around you, you glance over at your middle child who is dressed, hair brushed, eaten her breakfast and put her bowl in the sink. You love that your middle child is so self-efficient because on days like this, it’s just so helpful. 

Then you look at the clock and realize that your kids are officially late for school drop off.

So, you quickly rush them out the door, yelling “We’re late, we’re late, we’re late!” You hustle everyone to the van like some sort of weird celebratory parade that you do every morning. Finally, you get to the school and say the famous mom words “Love you! Have a good day!” Off goes your oldest child and your youngest. You glance in the very back of your van to notice that your middle child appears to be glued to her seat. “You better go honey, you’re already late.” But she doesn’t move.

You mumble in frustration as you head to the side door to open it to get her out. “Come on, this isn’t like you! Let’s go!” Still she seems frozen in place. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?” You ask in confusion. “I think I am mommy. My tummy is hurting so bad.” You encourage your child that she’s ok and that she needs to go to school. Still your sweet little one appears to be uneasy, and afraid. 

Finally, she gets out of the van.

Cars behind you in the drop-off line are now honking their horns in impatience. “Ok! You need to go now!” But still, she is holding onto your hand as if there’s a terrifying monster standing in front of her. ‘What is happening?’ You ask yourself. She was fine this morning, she’s always the one that seems to just do what she needs to. Why is she acting like this? You then decide to just take her home with the assumption that she’s experiencing a tummy bug. Then when you get her home, she’s fine. The next day repeats itself, only this time she’s crying in the backseat, shaking with fear. Unfortunately, you feel that you must be tough on her and get her to go. Because, well, it’s school! She can’t miss it. 

What’s going on in this situation?

Anxiety. Although we like to think that our children won’t be affected by anxiety and depression, that’s simply not the truth. In fact, children are just as vulnerable as adults to suffer from anxiety. In fact, according to the CDC: “7.1% of children aged 3-17 (approximately 4.4 million) have been diagnosed with anxiety.” CDC – Children’s Mental Health 

“70% of mental health problems have their onset during childhood or adolescence.” – Youth Mental Health Canada.

In Canada it is estimated that 1.2 million children and youth in Canada are affected by mental illness. View Youth Mental Health Canada. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association – British Columbia Division – The most common illness to affect children and youth is anxiety. In Canada it’s estimated that 6% of kids will experience an anxiety disorder at some point. Mental Illnesses in Children and Youth – Canadian Mental Health Association. 

The number of children struggling with their mental health is alarming, but what’s more so alarming? The fact that despite these high volumes, less than 20 percent will be able to receive the right treatment for them. 

Is school giving your child anxiety?

Some children have been known to struggle with anxiety that is related to school. Some triggers include: Bullying or conflicts with other students, test anxiety, academic pressures, a new teacher, riding the school bus, a specific class or subject. There are many different factors that can trigger anxiety when it comes to school.  

Many families are able to identify the very reason why their child is facing a heavy weight of anxiety when it comes to school. However, some children are able to hide their anxiety. Or act out in other ways, causing families to assume there is something else that is affecting their child. In some cases, children really can’t identify the concern or fears that they have around school. 

If your child is struggling with anxiety and school,  or is refusing to go to school. It’s really important that you find out if your child is being bullied, if they have other medical problems, pain or some other serious issue. Whatever you suspect, it’s always important to meet with the school, and a family physician to be sure. When you’re questioning ‘Is school giving my child anxiety?’ 

What are some signs and symptoms of school anxiety? 

Emotional Symptoms can include: 

  • Anxiety/fear/excessive worry 
  • Irritability
  • Anger
  • Embarrassment 
  • Loneliness 
  • Sadness

Physical Symptoms can include: 

  • Frequent Urination or diarrhoea  
  • Headaches
  • Muscle tension/pain 
  • Dizziness/light headedness
  • Pounding/Racing Heart
  • Shaking or trembling 
  • Feeling short on breath 
  • Stomach-aches or a painful abdomen 
  • Vomiting 

Behavioural Symptoms can include: 

  • Being overly clingy, not wanting to separate from their parent. 
  • Crying and tantrums. 
  • Incessant complaining. 
  • Not turning in their homework. 
  • Frequent calls or texts to parents. 
  • Skipping class or even cutting school. 
  • Lying about circumstances or feelings. 
  • Trouble concentrating. 
  • Isolation from others. 

Some thoughts that your child might be thinking: 

‘What if the other kids laugh at me?’ 

‘Why do I have to go to school anyway?’ 

‘I’m not good at school. I fail.’ 

‘What if daddy forgets to pick me up?’ 

‘If I fail this test my mom will be mad at me.’ 

‘What if I throw up in class?’ 

‘I don’t like recess, it’s cold and I get scared of a thunderstorm.’ 

‘I just want to be home in my room.’ 

 

Are you asking yourself how this happened?

‘My child was fine and suddenly just started to not be ok at school. What did I do wrong?’ First of all, don’t blame yourself. Parental guilt will only make you and your child feel worse. Is school giving your child anxiety? Was it something else? The important thing is, to find healthy steps to move forward from here.

Let’s take some solid steps to help your child that is struggling with anxiety and school. 

 

The first step is to identify any potential triggers.

Look for the triggers that might’ve started this decline with anxiety and school. Is your child being bullied or struggling with peers? Did your child just get a new teacher or has a harsh teacher? Does your child struggle with tests? Have you noticed your child’s anxiety to be much worse since covid? Perhaps the fear of catching the disease, or wearing masks, or lockdowns, has caused them to feel a large amount of fear? Find out what could potentially be triggering these feelings. 

Second, notice if they’ve been trying to tell you about their anxiety in other ways. 

Anxiety can be really scary, especially for a little person who doesn’t understand what they’re feeling. Has your child previously said phrases like: “The work is too hard!” “I can’t concentrate in class.” “It’s so tiring, I hate it.” “I’m going to fail the test.” “I don’t fit in.” “I saw someone getting bullied.” “Joey keeps making fun of my clothes.” These phrases and concerns aren’t just complaints. Sometimes they can be cries for help. If your child brings any of these complaints to you, always dig a little deeper to see what the root cause is.

Third, ask more questions.

If your child has brought up concerns like those above, ask lots of questions! Even if your child is rolling their eyes at you. While pretending that you’re annoying them, you aren’t. Most kids actually enjoy your interest in them and in their day. If your child hasn’t brought up any concerns, but you can just tell that they are feeling off – ask questions. Even if your child seems totally normal, ask questions. Dig deeper.  Teaching your kids that it’s good to talk, and that it’s good to bring up their concerns – is so healthy. 

Fourth, reach out to their school. 

If your child is struggling in any area with school. Then reaching out to their school is imperative as working with their educational team is so important. Most schools and teachers are more than accommodating when it comes to mental health. So if you are wondering ‘is school giving your child anxiety?’ then this is an excellent step to take. 

Fifth, give your kid a ‘Worry Journal’. 

What’s a worry journal? It’s a place where they can write down all of those big, scary, feelings, that are causing their struggles. In the worry journal, they can write, draw, or doodle. Really, whatever they want. It’s their journal, and they can utilize it to express their feelings in whatever way seems best for them. 

Sixth, find helpful coping strategies to help your child. 

There are so many amazing programs out there that are fully capable of helping your child navigate on those tough days. Including our very own Emotional Intelligence: Managing My Emotions special interest unit. With this special interest unit your child will learn about why it’s just as important to take care of our minds as it is to care for our bodies.

What else will they learn?

They will also learn ways to name and describe common “unhelpful thoughts” that lead them down thought paths which make them less happy. And lessons on the S.T.O.P.P. strategy for regaining control and assessing the situation when their emotions are high. Along with management tools for runaway thoughts, and how to control their reactions. They’ll also learn lessons about calming strategies, for when they need to gather themselves and regain control of their emotions. 

Click here to learn more about the Emotional Intelligence: Managing My Emotions Special Interest Unit

 

Seventh, help your child understand that they don’t need to be afraid of their feelings. 

When we don’t understand what we are feeling it can make it seem much more scary. Helping your child understand that they don’t need to fight those scary feelings can be very helpful. Along with helping them learn the important steps to cope through those big feelings. Above all, telling your kids that you’re there for them no matter what is of the utmost importance. 

Eighth, consider switching up their education. 

Is school giving your child anxiety? If you know that school is the main culprit of their anxiety, and you’ve tried to work with their school to help them. But nothing appears to be working. You can try to switch up their education, at least for the short term. A lot of children have been experiencing anxiety around school because of the uncertainties that the pandemic have caused.

As a result, there has been a significant amount of parents pulling their children from school to homeschool them.

And many parents have stated that online school/homeschool has actually been good for their child’s mental health. Obviously, there’s no scientific data to back up their claims. But the parents who are with their children full time, should have a pretty accurate view point. Homeschooling is obviously not going to be the best alternative for every child that is struggling with mental health concerns. However, homeschooling has proven to be beneficial for many. 

Benefits of homeschooling.

Some obvious benefits of homeschooling include: More one on one time with the parent. Minimizing stress and anxiety. No bullies or peer pressure. And in some cases homeschooling has been known to minimize depression that many students experience because of traditional schooling. 

There are many more benefits of homeschooling, including the freedom for your child to embrace who they really are. While also allowing you and your child to create a schedule that fits the needs of you both. Additionally, having a flexible schedule can give your child more time to play sports, go to social events, and have day time opportunities that they wouldn’t have otherwise. 

Is school giving your child anxiety?

There are many ways to help your child overcome the anxiety about school that they are facing. Just remember that this often takes time and a large amount of patience on your part. Showing your child that you are there for them, patient with them, and on their team will help immensely. 

Giving them options so that they don’t feel stuck is another excellent way to help them overcome the anxiety that is pulling them down. 

For a first hand look at a mama who had her child struggle with anxiety and school, check out this awesome blog with Meredith Blunt.

 Read her story and what she did to help her child with school anxiety.

 

 

Disclaimer: We are not licensed therapists or mental health professionals. If your child is struggling with a mental health condition and you are not sure what to do, please see your doctor for the proper steps to help them.

 

Additional Resources for this blog:

School Refusal – Anxiety Canada 

How Does Anxiety Affect Kids in School? – Child Mind Institute 

Anxiety in Kids – Anxiety in the Classroom 

Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health – CDC 

Global Student Network – Is Homeschooling Good For Your Child’s Mental Health? 

Youth Mental Health Statistics in Canada – YMHC 

Mental Illnesses in Child and Youth – Canadian Mental Health Association 

Anxiety and School

Anxiety and School – Guest Blog by Meredith Blunt

I am so glad to be writing for Schoolio again. This time about something a little heavier than my last guest blog but a subject near and dear to me. I’m writing this with no expertise (not a doctor!) beyond my own experience as a parent and a human who has moved through the impacts and distortions of anxiety herself. Anxiety and mental health is a huge, personal, and potentially upsetting topic. Anxiety has a daily presence in my life. I am hoping to share some of the most insightful and effective knowledge I have gained from my own research and experience with anxiety and school, as well as from the experts I’ve met. 

Emotional and Mental Health.

Feeling anxious can be a normal reaction to events in our lives that make us feel pressured, stressed or challenged. This is okay. That anxious feeling teaches us to assess our perceptions quickly, make critical decisions and bolster our convictions. However, anxiety that is overtly and constantly present moves into the realm of a disorder. It feeds negative thought patterns. It pushes us to feel constant worry and fear. In these times of growing awareness and knowledge around mental and emotional health, we are gaining a better understanding that children can be just as affected by anxiety as anyone else. We are learning about the factors in their lives that can cause anxiety disorder. Unsurprisingly, school is one of those factors, which is why talking about anxiety and school is so important.  

Anxiety and school, what it can look like:

As parents we’re told to ‘trust our gut’ when it comes to our kids. This is good advice but tricky to follow. We are influenced by so much – our loved ones, social media, literature, news etc. It isn’t unusual for our internal voice, our own wisdom, to get drowned out. Parental intuition is further challenged by the role school plays in each child’s life. As the majority of their time is spent at school, it has an outsized impact on a child’s mental health. Teachers, conflicts with peers, being away from home, and expectations of family are all aspects of school that can be contributing factors to an anxiety disorder. 

“It started out as stomach aches and headaches…”

I noticed the beginnings of anxious behaviour in my youngest back when he was in grade one. It first started out as stomach aches and headaches every school morning but gradually progressed to withdrawal from some interests and sleep disruption. Fearing any lasting consequences of this situation and due to the complete absence of support from our school and his teacher at the time, my husband and I withdrew him from public school and began our first foray into homeschooling. 

Wisdom does come with experience, in our case we had crossed paths with school-based anxiety already and learned valuable information. Three years prior to my son’s grade one year, I didn’t have the confidence to trust what I was seeing and sensing with my eldest as anxiety disorders developed in her when she was around the same age. Everyone seemed to know better and worked to assuage my fears, so I put my trust in them. It’s hard to forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made as a parent.

We can only do our best with the tools and knowledge we have at the time.

I didn’t know that what I was looking at was anxiety in my eldest. I would see her struggle to connect with peers and I would resort to the traditional well-meaning adages of ‘say hi!’ and ‘be friendly’. We battled over learning from mistakes, and I would feel lost when her reaction to an error or failure was immense defeat and crippling negative emotions. I’d try to get her excited about new things only to see her recoil almost in terror. The kids who sometimes can’t find the words to describe what they’re experiencing are the young people who may be susceptible to anxiety disorders. These kids can end up carrying heavy labels in school settings – difficult, shy, perfectionist, distracted, under-achiever, a weaker student. This is my daughter and not one of those labels was accurate. 

This isn’t a simple or easy topic to discuss. When we talk about anxiety in our children it hurts. When we give voice to these massive concerns for our kids – ranging from sleep deprivation and disruptive emotions to self-injurious behaviour and suicidal ideation – they become part of the world. The bigger, open, judging world. This is hard, really hard. We live in times where more pressure than ever is on families to be relentlessly picture-perfect at all times. If we pull back the curtain, what will people think of us! 

Here’s what people think – “Whaaaaat! That’s my kid too…that’s me too! I thought it was just us”. They really do. 

So what do we do as mums and dads? We get help. Help for our kids and help for ourselves. We learn how to listen, how to respond, and how to reach out when we feel overwhelmed. We adapt our parenting skills to the needs of our kids.

Here’s some favourites from my range of resources:

(I have no professional affiliation with these links they are just ones I like a lot). 

Books:

Helpful Apps that my family loves: 

Support groups:

It can be a wonderful, positive surprise, how generous and loving groups like Schoolio Families can be! 

 Therapy*:

  • Cognitive-behavioural therapy has been reliably successful in my experience. 

Learning the skills for when anxiety shows up:

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling a little worked up thinking and writing about anxiety and school so I’m going to regain some calm. This is the first suggestion I always make when talking to friends and other parents about anxiety in our families. Our kids need to know they are fully capable of being in control of their emotions. They are eager to learn the confidence and skills needed for anxiety when it shows up. Where those skills begin is awareness of the most basic of bodily functions – breathing. 

As anxiety builds, the more shallow and rapid we breathe. This is a prehistoric response from our brain, telling our body “There’s danger! Time to flood everything with oxygen and get the adrenaline going so we can get the heck outta here!”. There’s no sabretoothed cat stalking us but our body’s response is sufficient for us to cope as though there were. When we learn to identify this behaviour, the next step is to take control of the perceived threat by controlling our breath. 

Check your breathing.

Sometimes known as Paced Breathing, you inhale through your nose for 4-6 seconds, hold for 2-4 seconds, then a controlled exhale through your mouth for 6-8 seconds. It is totally cool if you can’t breathe for those exact seconds yet. The calming key is that longer exhale. With it you are releasing the excess oxygen and adrenaline which gives you control of the situation and yourself.

Another great one, especially for our little littles, is Box Breathing. Hold the image of a square in your mind. Each side of the square is equivalent to four seconds. We breath around the square. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold our lungs full for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold our lungs empty for 4 seconds. 

Putting in the practice of identifying the moments when we need to take that pause and breathe is worth it, whether you’re a kid or a grown up. 

It’s important to foster our mental well-being as caregivers because there are challenging emotions that come when your child is embattled with anxiety or any differences from the neurotypical. Guilt, doubt, resignation, disbelief, avoidance, anger, sadness to name a few. Those difficult feelings are valid and deserve reflection. 

A personal favourite expression regarding this is you have to put your own oxygen mask on before helping another. This doesn’t mean if a family member is in crisis you hold up a finger and say “Just a sec! I need 20 minutes for some *me* time then we’ll get to working on what’s happening with you ok?” …none of us would do that – it’s ridiculous. 

What it does mean is that every day we take space and time for ourselves.

What that space and time look like is dependent on you! For myself, my go-tos are walking and re-learning to run. The activity gives me the space and time to enjoy my own progress, and focus on it. Exercise isn’t the only activity that works, I encourage you to find the right activity for you that allows you to restock your emotional stores so you are better prepared to cope with whatever challenges the day brings. The singular purpose is to fill your happiness quotient. It’s also good behaviour to model, demonstrating that you find contentment and success in just being you and doing something for just you. 

I hope I have done some service to the impactful and encompassing topic of anxiety and school -age children. I would genuinely love to generate a supportive on-going discussion centred around advice, patience, familiarity, education and humour. Whether you and/or your child are experiencing what you suspect is anxiety or you are interested in mental wellness, remember we are not alone. 

*I fully acknowledge that financially viable and timely access to therapy is critically lacking in Canada. If you have the means, please consider advocating and supporting improved access to mental health professionals and programs in your region. Getting help should not be as difficult as it is.

Schoolio Guest Blog - Meredith Blunt

“I’m Bored” – Let Your Kids Be Bored This Summer

When the “I’m bored” complaints start to roll in.

Summer break has started and with it comes a flurry of excitement and potential plans. Beaches, swimming pools, playgrounds, and water fights, may just be some of the exciting activities calling your kids names.

My kids always get so  thrilled for summer and the potential it holds. They can’t wait for less structure, and more opportunity to just play. That said, it always appears that a couple weeks – or sometimes even days – into summer break my kids start with the “I’m bored” complaints. And with that the boredom train is in full motion.

Actually, as I’m writing this my son just walked up to me and said, “I’m bored!” What’s a parent to do? Hand them a tablet? Have a list of fun activities to do? Drop everything and take them somewhere incredibly entertaining? Chances are, after another year of homeschool/virtual learning, the last thing you want to do is have an epic schedule packed with activities. But you also don’t want to let them sit in front of a screen all day. So, what do you do?

Should you have a schedule for each day?

What’s your go-to going to be? Have a beautifully curated schedule for every single day? Filled with extraordinary activities, crafts, snacks and fun? Or, are you going to just let your child be completely bored all summer? Maybe a happy medium between the two? What’s your plan for the ‘I’m bored’ days?

First of all, let’s just address the elephant in the room. When our children complain it makes us uncomfortable. I mean, it’s supposed to, right? From when your child was born, you learned to help them. You fed them, changed them, cared for them, entertained them, whenever they needed it. So, naturally when your child begins to whine that they are just so bored, you want to solve this issue for them too. In those moments, it’s all too easy to just hand them the tablet to calm their cries of boredom and solve the temporary issue.

But you don’t need to do that!

Guess what? You don’t need to do that. See, obviously there are complaints that we need to take seriously from our children. But boredom? That’s not one of them. According to Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, boredom is actually really good for your child. She says: “Children need to sit in their own boredom for the world to become quite enough that they can hear themselves.” It makes us uncomfortable though, right?

I mean, as a mom I want my kids to be happy. I want to help them in every single way that I possibly can. So, when they complain I feel the need to fix it, even when it’s just boredom related.

However, constantly entertaining your children isn’t a source of help, but rather a source of harm. Before you freak out. Stop. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with planning fun activities for your kids, that’s excellent! But, you just don’t need to do it all the time! Because that’s usually recipe for parental burn-out.  (Unless that’s truly your jam then go for it.)

Boredom isn’t bad.

“Children need time to themselves – to switch off from the bombardment of the outside world, to daydream, pursue their own thoughts and occupations, and discover personal interests and gifts. Letting the mind wander from time to time is important for everybody’s mental wellbeing and functioning.” Says Dr. Theresa Belton.

It’s true, in today’s world kids do have a much harder time with boredom than in generations before them. Why is that? Well, the answer is pretty obvious. Technology being one of the biggest killers of boredom. Following closely behind are extracurricular activities. We’ve essentially created a world where children have highly structured lives, with basically no time to just be.

What are the benefits of boredom for my child?

  1. Boredom inspires creativity and imagination. Research has found that people who are given a bunch of boring tasks to complete actually show more imagination when they’re then asked to take part in a creative thinking activity?
  1. Boredom teaches Resilience. Allowing your kids time to just be bored and have to ‘entertain’ or ‘amuse’ themselves is an excellent way to help your child develop resilience.
  1. Letting your kids be bored actually helps them develop problem-solving skills!
  1. Being bored can help your child learn how to build relationships.
  1. Boredom can improve mental health. Because being too busy (even as an adult) isn’t good.
  1. Boredom makes childhood happier. What? Really? Yes! Think about. When you remember back to your own childhood years, Aren’t some of your best memories the simple ones? The ones where you were creative from boredom? Chances are that’s a yes.

Many of the activities that we think would make our kid’s childhoods magical, aren’t. Because simplicity is the way to go, always!

What can you do this summer with the ‘I’m bored’ cries? Start with this.

  1. Set aside one day a week for an activity detox. That means no structured activities.
  1. Task them with creativity. (Check out ‘The Ultimate I’m bored items list’ to have around the house. Listed below).
  1. Limit the teach toys.
  1. Send them outdoors (and go out with them). If you don’t live in a location where your child can venture outside alone. Then take them to a park, let them run wild. Try not to jump in, instead just sit and watch them. If you have a backyard, let them have fun back there while you enjoy a cup of tea inside, or on the patio.
  1. Be a good role model. Our kids mirror what we do. So, if you find yourself grabbing for your phone every chance you get. That’s going to be what they want to do. Try to avoid that. Instead let them see you reading, writing, drawing, and creating. When they see you being creative, it encourages them to do the same.

Try this ‘I’m Bored Checklist’, next time your kids want screen time. Once they start going through the listed items, they might just find their own source of entertainment through the beauty of being creative and using their imagination


Get The ‘I’m Bored Checklist’

Check out The Ultimate I’m Bored Items List! And, try to keep a steady supply of these items.

I'm Bored items List

For some fun lessons to help keep your kids entertained this summer. Check out the Schoolio Special Interest Units 

Here are a few excellent resources about how boredom can be good for your kids!