new homeschool dad Archives

Why Your Kids Are Driving You Nuts.

You’re now a few weeks into homeschooling and hopefully by now you’ve started to find a groove. Or you’ve learned 82 ways that DON’T work and you’re still searching for a peaceful rhythm.

Let me ask you this: Are your kids driving you crazy?

Are you wondering how on earth the veteran homeschool moms handle this gig? How do they stand being with their kids so much? I mean, you love those kiddos to pieces and you would literally jump in front of a bus for them, but they’re like, literally always here, am I right?

You’re probably wondering, when do you get a break? When do you get time to yourself? Your kids seem to need a question answered or a snack approved or a fight resolved every 5 minutes!

So, here’s the veteran homeschool mom secret: Homeschooled kids are actually more independent.

I’m sorry to say it, I hope you don’t feel offended, and I know there will be people who disagree. It just doesn’t fit the stereotype that homeschooled kids can’t “cut the apron strings” or “have no real-world experience.” (Trust me, if there was a fake world I had access to, I’d be seriously considering moving in as 2020 carries on, but no matter where I go, here I am in the “real world”.)

People ask me all the time about when I get “time to myself” as a homeschool mom. And at first, I wasn’t sure how to answer. I mean, when I think about it, you’re right, they ARE always here aren’t they? I hadn’t really noticed… I mean, I know they are here. What I truly mean is, I have LOADS of time alone. Half the time I’m really not sure WHERE my kids are. They are home, that I know. But are they in their rooms reading, in the basement playing a boardgame, outside in the backyard? I don’t know. It’s possible I haven’t heard a peep from them in an hour or more.

I write for a living and my desk is in the living room. The living room! Does that blow your mind? I can work in the living room with my kids also in the living room and no one bugs me for long stretches of time. Did your head just explode? My kids aren’t special. They are totally regular kids. Homeschooled kids.

The problem could just be that the school system actually teaches kids to do all these behaviors you are finding obnoxious. And the only way to really fix it is to wait. This is a matter of time, and patience, while your children unlearnsome of the non-academic things school has taught them. I’ve written a list of things the school system has taught your kids that may be driving you bonkers in your early days of homeschooling, and how to help minimize this type of behavior:

1. Asking permission.

Kids in school learn that they have to ask permission for ev.er.y.thing. Need to get a tissue? Sharpen your pencil? Use the washroom? Get a drink of water? Ask. Permission.

I understand why they do this in school: classroom management. You absolutely cannot manage 30+ children with one adult without a lot of rules and asking permission to do anything that’s different than what the rest of the group is doing. It’s a necessity of the school system. But remember now that your kids are at home, they are used to an environment where they can’t make their own decisions and get up and do something on their own. So when you’re trying to get some work done and hoping your kid can do one simple math page independently, but two minutes after you sit down he’s standing beside your desk chair, saying something like, “Ummm, I need my pencil sharpened…”looking lost and confused and you’re thinking to yourself, “SO SHARPEN IT!!! Why does this need to involve me?!?!!?” Don’t pull your hair out just yet. Take a deep breath, and remind your child that he can sharpen his pencil on his own, he can figure out where and what to do, and in the future he can just do it, without your permission first. Be careful not to simply give the permission they’ve asked you for, or this will just continue. Simply empower them to make their own decisions by gently reminding them every time that they don’t need permission, and they can do what they need to when they need to do it, because you trust them to make those decisions.

2. Being constantly scheduled.

Odds are, if your kids have spent time in the school system, they’ve gotten pretty used to having every moment scheduled for them. Classes are scheduled, breaks are scheduled, which subject is delivered when, for how long, and the content of that lesson, is all planned out by adults, and your child had zero say in any of it. And if you’re anything like us when our kids were in the system, school takes up so much of your life that your evenings and weekends are usually pretty planned out too with extra-curriculars, obligations, errands, scheduled playdates, and family outings. Your kids are just not used to making decisions for themselves or deciding for themselves how to use their own time.

This is why you get the “I’m bored”. And you look around at the dozens of toys, games, books, and technology that litter your house and think, “HOW?!? HOW are you not entertained?” But it’s not a matter of not having anything to do, it’s a matter of not knowing what to, because they aren’t used to that kind of choice.

If you think the solution is to micromanage their time, it’s not. I mean, you certainly can, if that brings you joy, and it’ll get rid of the “I’m bored” dilemma, but it won’t teach them anything. Instead, help them brainstorm a mega list of all the things there are to do in your house, and pin it up somewhere. Forbid the words “I’m bored” under threat of chores if you want to, and encourage them to figure out their own entertainment, without (gasp!) any direction from you.

3. Rushing

When my kids were in school, life was a constant rush. As soon as they got up in the morning it was rushing to get breakfast, get ready, get lunches packed, get everyone out the door on time. Kids are rushed and hustled around all day at school:

“Quickly and quietly through the halls please!”

“The bell rang, let’s get a move on!”

“I’m going to count to 3 and by the time I’m done I want everyone in their seats!”

“Get your snowsuit on! Get your boots on! Let’s go, you’re going to miss the bus home!”

The peaceful pace of homeschool can be such a culture shock, for your kids AND you. You now have the ENTIRE day to get 2ish hours of schoolwork done. Do you ever get that anxious, twitchy feeling that there are things that you need to be getting done? You know, that feeling you must be forgetting something important? Kids can feel that too! But they’re less capable than adults of labelling their feelings and anxieties and the roots of them. So, while you might just ring your hands, they might jump around on the living room furniture while you’re trying to have a Zoom meeting with your boss.

Try writing a schedule and putting it somewhere they can see that shows them all their free time blocks. Let them visually see how much free time there is going to be today and talk with them about what they think they might choose to do in those times. This will help them feel less uncomfortable with having open time, and help them learn to entertain themselves, if you begin with helping them make those unfamiliar decisions initially.

4. Fitting In

I’ve talked about the armor our kids wear to protect themselves at school, so I won’t bore you with that rant all over again. But I will say, fitting in is a survival necessity in school social culture.

When it comes to academics, kids also learn to assimilate and blend in. They learn that the “right” thing to do is to have the “right” answer. No outside the box ideas, no brain dumps, rants, or long trains of thought allowed- you’re holding up the class!

As a teacher I know that there’s always those kids who wants to tell you a 20 minute story about what their dog ate for breakfast, or go on and on about the new Pokémon card they got- and you half-listen while bustling around the room trying to get everything prepped and set up. Nodding and giving an “uh huh” as often as you can. Until you finally have to interrupt them with a gentle, “That’s really lovely, but I need you to take your seat now so we can start the class” or “That’s a great story, but we need to let someone else have a turn to talk now.” That child has unfortunately been shut down, shut up, and discouraged. It’s not the teacher’s fault- a classroom is a busy place and s/he has other things to do, other children to attend to. S/he DOES need to start class and other kids DO need a turn to talk. The longer your child has been in the school system, the more this natural curiosity, and love of learning, speaking and expressing their thought process has been shut down.

With your kids learning at home, if your aspiring veterinarian wants to talk about what the dog ate for breakfast in great detail, you can listen. You can google a YouTube video on dogs, you can talk about carnivores, herbivores, and omnivores, you can look at pup’s teeth to see how they differ from our own. You can make that train of thought an entire lesson if you want! Try not to stifle their thoughts when they come pouring out!

Maybe your child isn’t like this though. Maybe when you try to “make learning fun” (what a weird saying- when did learning stop being fun?) by letting them choose topics of interest all you get in response is “I don’t know”.

Maybe you try to teach in a Socratic fashion by asking questions, and all you get for answers are “I don’t know”.

Remember that they’ve learned in school to give the right answer, briefly, so class can move on. And they’ve also learned that if they don’t have the right answer, someone else will. So, what’s the point in giving it any lengthy thought? The answer will be provided by either another classmate or the teacher within 30 seconds! This is why your child is so quick to answer with “I don’t know”. In school, you don’t need to think about the answers to questions, you either have the answer or you don’t, and if you don’t, class moves on.

They’ve also learned to only learn what they’re told to (and because that rarely interests them, they’ve also learned to do the bare minimum required). When you ask something as open ended as “What would YOU like to learn about this year?” that question may just be so big and new that they actually “don’t know”.

They’ve never had a choice in their education before, so that may just be too big a question right now. Grab some pre-made curriculum or make your own plan on a topic you think they will like based on their interests and go from there. Help them re-open their minds and imaginations and rediscover their love of learning, and their ideas will come back to them!

The bottom line is, hang in there parents. You and your children are brand new to homeschooling, and you both have a lot of unlearning to do. Your groove will come. Your rhythm will be found. Be patient, be kind, be forgiving, take it slow. Lower your expectations. Now lower them again. Hang on to your sanity in these early days of this crazy new ride, and before you know it, you’ll have smooth sailing ahead of you.

Lindsey Casselman is a writer, teacher, and mom. She is the founder of Linden Tree Learning and a valued team member at Schoolio. Lindsey is passionate about helping all parents gain the tools they need to have a successful homeschooling journey.

Why Does My Child Hate Reading?

Picture this, you’re at the library struggling to find books for your child who hates reading. When another mom has her kid come sit with her. Her kid looks probably 2 – 3 years younger than yours. And she says ‘Let’s read.’ The child then begins reading, perfectly. No fuss, no muss. Just reading. It feels like a punch to your gut. You’ve been working so hard on teaching your child to read but they just don’t want to. What do you do?

First of all, stop comparing. We are taught from a young age to compare ourselves to others. It just seems natural. ‘She has better hair than me.’ ‘Her skin complexion is so much nicer than mine.’ ‘His car is way better than my car.’ ‘If only I could get the promotion like he got.’ It’s dangerous, and unhealthy to compare ourselves to others, yet it feels so unbelievably right. The danger is that in this situation you are comparing your child to another child. And then in turn, teaching your child that they don’t measure up. That they need to be like someone else.

Obviously you want your child’s learning to be on track. You want them to read, write, do all the math problems, listen to everything you say and be perfect in some way. But listen up: perfection is a myth. There is actually no one way that we should be. That applies to us, and our children. When we let ourselves slip, and compare, we poison our home school environment. Sounds harsh, but it’s true. And here’s how:

I struggle severely with comparison, I always have. But when I allowed that to trickle into our homeschool, I was a mess and my kids weren’t loving it. Suddenly I felt incomplete. I felt lacking. I felt frustrated that my kids weren’t doing what other families were. That constant negative soundtrack playing in my mind, would cause me to become agitated much more, which clearly didn’t help with teaching or my kids attitudes. In order to help your children grow and learn in a happy environment you need to free yourself, and them, of the comparison chains. Your child isn’t reading like that kid at the library, so what? Are you working on it? Yes. So why bother comparing?

My oldest daughter had a really, really difficult time reading. She was 7 and still was reading at a beginner level. Everything I tried, failed. I was frustrated with myself, I had feelings of failure. Like, I wasn’t doing something right for her. But the truth is, I was. She just needed time. She went from reading beginner levels to reading levels far higher than her age, in just a matter of months. How did this happen? She was ready, I was patient.

We like to think that kids should be reading at 4, and be experts by 6, forgetting that every child is on their own timeline. Your child doesn’t read at 5? That’s ok. You feel like the time you put into teaching reading is wasted? It’s not. Sitting down with your child, going over letter sounds, and sight words, it all goes in their sweet little minds. It may feel like it’s not sticking, but one day everything just clicks. It does! The issue is that we let ourselves compare way too much. So stop. Don’t compare your child’s reading to another child’s. Everyone has their own timeline. Every child develops differently and that’s not a bad thing. Remember when they were just a baby and you were hoping they’d say their first word? You waited, you said ‘Mama, Mama’ to them. And that stuck. They did it! (Maybe they said Dada first) Even so, they did it. You weren’t standing over them, getting frustrated saying ‘Come on baby, just say Mama! Why can’t you say Mama?’ Instead you were loving, you’d peek their interest by lovingly saying words over and over, with kindness and a smile.

That sweet little bundle of joy grew, and grew and naturally you think they need to be reaching reading milestones, and I assure you they will.

Below is list of tips that I’ve learned from our own homeschool reading journey:

Make reading enjoyable. As stated above, don’t pressure your child with timelines. Don’t compare them. Don’t get stressed when they just can’t figure out that word that you’ve taught them a hundred times. Instead, make it enjoyable. Snuggle up with them, help them with the words. Cheer for them when they get it right. Be kind and understanding when they get it wrong.
Be very patient with your child. Deep breathe. I know this is hard. Especially when you’ve been teaching and you’re exhausted. Don’t try to hustle them into that next reading level. Just take it one step at a time, even if the steps are small and exhausting.
Be calm. Your child feels your energy. When you’re agitated and annoyed, they will be. Or, they will feel like they never get it right, and that could lead to further issues. So just take it easy.
Try switching up their reading times. Do they get more annoyed in the afternoon, the evening? Try reading in the morning with them. Or vice versa. Make a nice breakfast and read together.
Break it up. My second daughter struggles with large paragraphs. Seeing all the words together overwhelms her. So we read those together. She will read a sentence, I will read a sentence. She has trouble sounding something out, I help her. We work as a team, and enjoy the process together.

Your child’s got this. And you’ve got this. Their reading level is not a reflection of how great a teacher or parent you are. You aren’t damaging your child. Their reading is a reflection of their very own timeline. That doesn’t mean throw the books in the closet and turn on the T.V. That means, each and every day read a little more. Utilize the steps above. Enjoy it. They’re going to get this sooner than you think. You are doing an amazing job my friend.

Jaymee Davis is a stay-at-home/ work-at-home/ homeschool mama. Her goal is to help you have the very best homeschool experience possible. She believes you can do anything, and wants to foster that belief in yourself.

How Do I Balance Teaching Multiple Grades?

I read a question from another homeschool mama that went something like this, ‘How do you balance teaching more than one child in different grade levels at the same time?’ I have three children, ages 9.5, 7.5 and (almost) 6. That translates to me teaching grades 1,3 and 4. It’s busy! I won’t lie and try to convince you otherwise. Last week I posted a blog and I stated that I felt like Grade 1 was this huge milestone. I feel it’s the official ‘beginning’ to school. When my oldest daughter was in grade 2, and my second little lady was starting grade 1, I actually felt hugely overwhelmed. Now it felt like a balancing act. Like I was on a tight rope, holding both my daughters, trying so hard to keep up with everything so that neither of them would fall behind.

I know lots of homeschool families that make this whole teaching of multiple grades thing look so easy. And I just couldn’t figure out what their secret was. The things that they suggested to me, just didn’t work for our family and our schedule, as I also work a full time job from home. (I’ll write about that later) I never felt like I measured up to their level of success when it came to the balancing act of teaching multiple grades and honestly I just felt brutally upset with myself by the end of the day. Because all in all, something would get neglected. I wanted to be ‘supermom’ who had her act together, did arts and crafts and accomplished all the things. But most days I was the mom that would wait till her husband got home from work so I could lock myself in my bathroom for 10 minutes. So what are some things that I learned teaching multiple grades?

Every family is like a musical band. You can’t compare the Beatles to Led Zeppelin, they are different, both unique. In the same way you just can’t compare your family to another home school family. I was comparing myself to home school families that the dad was the only one working, and the mom got to stay home and just focus on the kids, school, and housework. (Which might I add is still so much) That’s not my life. So why compare myself to that? Each home school family is unique just like all the classic bands. And each is carving their own path in history. Your history, your story – not someone else’s.
Be patient. Not just with your kids, but with yourself also. You know those times when you’re exhausted, you didn’t sleep the night before and your child is just not applying themselves to their math at all? They literally have 4 questions left – they could finish it in 2 minutes, but instead, they’re hanging upside down in their chair, whining that they want another snack? Those are the moments I’ve had to work HARD on my patience level. Every part of me just wants to scream ‘COME ON JUST DO THIS!‘ But when I get angry, they lose focus even more. So I’ve learned (and am learning) to be patient with each of my children and to be patient with myself. I get so frustrated with myself when I feel like I haven’t checked all the boxes for the day, and that’s just not fair.
Remember all you did accomplish. It’s second nature to me to remember all things that I missed doing in a day, ‘I didn’t send that paper to the bank.’ ‘I didn’t send that work number to my boss.’ ‘I didn’t get the kids spelling done with them today.’ ‘We forgot to practise our musical instruments.’ Remembering all the things that you missed for the day will only cause your patience for yourself (and sometimes your family) to crash. Instead, at the end of the day, remember all the amazing things you did accomplish. You kept your kids alive, fed, happy, healthy, and educated. All in one day! Those are HUGE accomplishments. Think about it, you’re doing the job of a house cleaner, a cook, a doctor, and a teacher and often times much more. And you did all that! So forget your to – do list. You rocked this day! You should be proud of yourself. Sometimes it just takes changing your mindset, and focusing on something different to get you out of the broken shell of anxiety.
Spend time with each child individually. What I mean by this is: Pick your most difficult subjects in your house. For us, it’s Math. When I started teaching multiple grades I thought ‘This period is for math, and this one is for science, and this one is for language arts.’ But I’m not a school, and therefore I don’t need to run like one. Is it great to have a schedule? Yes! But I found teaching each of my kids math at the same time was hands down a nightmare. One kid would need help, so I’d be working with her and my other daughter would start screaming she didn’t understand her multiplication. And so I’d head over to her. But then my other daughter would start baulking about her frustrations with her number line. Then my son would want a snack. It actually took double time when we would try to do it all together. I thought it would save time and I was poorly mistaken. What has helped us on many a day, is doing math individually. I like to start with the youngest grade first. Right now my son is in grade 1, so we sit down and work on his math. His takes the least amount of time, and I’ve taught it 3 times now so I feel like much more of a pro. While he’s working on his math, the other two have play time. Or I set them up with a school subject they enjoy. When my son finishes his math, he then can enjoy a break. While I hop into grade 2 with my daughter. It’s much easier for my children to accomplish their math lessons faster when I spend time just with them. Sure some days they’re still flipped upside down in their chair, fussing that they don’t want to do the work. But most days go much smoother when I take this approach.
Blend different subjects. If your kids are close in age, try blending certain subjects. Like geography, or science. Have a scheduled part of the day where you all sit down at the table and work on science together, or learn some new geography together. Have fun with it.
Outsource some classes you are having trouble teaching. I outsource our French. Obviously, French isn’t mandatory with Ontario Curriculum. But I want my children to have more opportunities in life. And I always feel like bilingualism can get them one step closer to success. In the past we’ve hired a French tutor. But with COVID looming, and our schedules constantly evolving, I’ve found them some online French resources to help them learn.(But remember, me sharing with you that we do French does not mean that you should feel guilty if your kids aren’t doing French. It’s your homeschool) Or art, I LOVE art. However, it’s one thing that unforatunely gets neglected because I’m always so busy with every thing else. It’s fun to sign them up for an art class at FourCats. They get to get their creativity on and I get to have a nice hour long break from my kids. It’s a win win!

Your Homeschool journey is yours. I think – as with everything – when you start to compare yourself, your family, and your homeschool to other families. All you do is overwhelm yourself, and that overwhelm trickles down into your kids. The days that I’m stressed and anxious, my kids feel that, I let off that negative energy and they begin to get frustrated easier with their school. Just take it slow. You don’t need to accomplish everything today, home schooling is a process, so make sure to enjoy it. As always, I want you to remember that you are a rock star, you made the incredible decision to homeschool and you’re using amazing curriculum from Schoolio. If there’s anyone who can accomplish teaching multiple grades – it’s you.

Jaymee Davis is a stay-at-home/work-at-home/ homeschool mama. She believes that you can accomplish this homeschool thing. And she’s here to help you reach those goals, one step at a time.