new home school dad Archives

The Homeschooling Mindset.

When it comes to living a happy life, experts agree that mindset is key. Changing your mindset to one of positivity is essential in your life journey, but what about your homeschool journey? Sathish Bala –CEO of Schoolio- asked Lindsey Casselman –Schoolio Team Member and founder of Linden Tree learning- how to get into the mindset of wanting to homeschool. She answered with ‘The biggest thing is to set your mind to being flexible.’

Why is flexibility key in homeschool? As Lindsey said “you have to be willing to let go of your plan.” Realizing that sometimes certain things are just not working for you and your child is key. All too often we compare homeschool to traditional school. We try to make them one in the same, when in all actuality homeschool is different. Obviously, you want to keep the education the same (which you can accomplish by using Schoolio’s Ontario Curriculum) but they’re different and It’s important to embrace the differences. Flexibility being on the top of the list.

Flexibility in homeschool is important for many different reasons, one being that it’s important to give our children a say. As Lindsey said she will sit down with her kids and say “Something isn’t working, what do you guys want to do differently?” Allowing your child’s voice to be heard is huge. And with homeschooling they get the opportunity to do that. In traditional public school, the child must learn the same way as the others. The child must accomplish what the others are. They must maintain that locked in schedule. The child’s voice becoming one of the hundreds of others in the school setting, easily being drowned out. The beauty of homeschooling is that your child has a say. Your child is heard. You can swap out the schedule, you can take an ‘explore nature day’, you can help them learn other important life lessons, like how to do laundry or cook. Things that are overlooked with traditional schooling yet are an essential part of living life.

Something I’ve learned with homeschooling is that EVERYTHING is a lesson. It’s not like I’m a teacher for 3 hours out of the day and the rest of the time my kids just have free reign of our household. No way! I’m a teacher all the time. I teach them to cook, to clean, to paint, to exercise, to enjoy life. A simple question from my child can become a lesson all on its own. There is no perfect way to homeschool, and that’s ok. Embrace the imperfections, teach your kids about flexibility in their schedule. Teach them that it’s OK to take breaks and do something other than the designated plan. Being a teacher is something that -believe it or not- you’ve been since your child was born. Teaching them to walk, talk, eat, interact, go to the bathroom. All these things you’ve done. So, teaching them core educational subjects is something that you CAN do. But you have to allow yourself space for flexibility and peace of mind.

What else matters when it comes to the best mindset for homeschool? Patience. Patience goes hand in hand with flexibility. Be patient with yourself and with your children. Emphasis on yourself. When you are impatient with yourself and allow the negative thoughts to take over your thinking frame, then you are destined to be short tempered with your children and just about every other aspect of your life. Be patient. Be flexible.

Amp yourself up. When you think to yourself ‘What am I doing?! Why am I doing this?! I’m not a teacher, what makes me think I can teach my kids?’ Let go of that negative self-talk. And replace it with thoughts that lift yourself up. ‘I am a good teacher.’ ‘I taught my child to read today!’ ‘I’m an exceptional parent, putting my child and their education first.’ Not everyone can homeschool their child, but look! You’re doing it! That is something that you should be insanely proud of. There’s absolutely no reason for you to treat yourself like garbage. You are a champion!

No day is going to be perfect, in fact most days may end up messy (especially when you’re beginning). And that’s ok. Teach your child to enjoy the imperfections. Teach your child to balance things out just like you are. Show your child how to love themselves by demonstrating it through kindness towards yourself. Remember, words hold power. Words of kindness, words that build you up, those are the best words to have in your vocabulary when it comes to your homeschooling mind-set. Don’t limit yourself by thinking negatively about yourself. You and your child can accomplish anything, today, tomorrow and every day. Homeschooling is freedom, so gain the freedom mindset. You’ve got this.

Jaymee Davis is a stay-at-home/work-at-home/ homeschooling mama. She is here to be your personal cheerleader, reminding you that you are able to accomplish anything, and homeschooling is definitely one of those things.

Is Homeschooling Right for You and Your Child?

If you are a parent considering homeschooling due to COVID-19, you are not alone. Homeschooling is seeing a global surge; 10% growth in 2020, compared to 6% before Covid.

Homeschooling may not be the right choice for all families, so how can you find out if it’s the right fit for yours?

If you’re pondering with the options of homeschooling your children, or putting them back in school. There are many factors you should examine first, to ensure it will be helpful for both your children and you.

So, let’s start with the benefits.

Choice of Educational Curriculum. Probably the most significant benefit of homeschooling is the ability to choose your child’s curriculum. You decide what your child studies, when they study, and for how long. No one knows your child better than you. And no one cares about your child’s progress more than you do. If you want to spend more time studying math, you can do so. If history is of particular importance to your child, you can include it in your child’s curriculum. Homeschooling also gives children the opportunity to spend more time focusing their studies on areas of interest, such as art or science.

Scheduling Freedom. Just like all forms of education, homeschooling can be demanding of your time. But in other way, it can be a significant relief to a very busy out of home schedule. Homeschool families are not constrained by the public school system’s daily, weekly, and monthly schedules. Families may choose to set up a homeschooling routine that no longer orbits around the school’s calendar and school hours.

Increased emotional and physical safety. These days bullying is prevalent in most public schools. While not every child is bullied, it happens to quite a few – and the result can be devastating. It’s not only emotionally damaging, but it makes learning and receiving a good education close to impossible for some kids. Homeschooling avoids all of these potentially harmful influences. Other negative consequences that homeschooling can sometimes avoids includes: peer pressure, competition and poor self-esteem issues. Homeschooled children also don’t have to worry about the “fitting in” aspect that plagues just about every child in the public school system.

Increased productivity. Public schools have a scarcity of teachers. Growing class sizes means students receive less one-on-one attention. Kids attending public schools often have a ton of homework – because the classroom setting isn’t conducive to getting a lot accomplished in a day. Homeschooled kids rarely have “after school” tasks, as the assignments are completed while class is in session.

Better Sleep. Sometimes sleeping in, just a little bit, is just what you need. Early morning sleep can be beneficial, especially for kids that aren’t morning people. Homeschooling starts when the child naturally wakes up fresh and ready to learn.

What about the negative side of Homeschooling?

Heightened stress. Homeschooling your children can be stressful at times. Homeschooling takes a lot of time and effort from you as the parent. Day in and day out, lessons have to be prepared and taught. Parents who homeschool have to deal with many of the same issues as teachers do. They must also provide their children with hands-on learning experiences and activities. Homeschooling is not spent at the kitchen table with textbooks and worksheets – as many people envision.

It can be costly. Homeschooling isn’t cheap, primarily if you’re used to being in a two-income household. Almost all homeschooling homes are one-income families. Living off of one income is a result of one parent usually assuming the role of teacher for their children. This can be a big sacrifice if money is tight – but most homeschooling families find the sacrifice well worth it because of the many benefits of having their children learning in such a positive environment. There is also the cost of books and supplies to consider. As homeschooling is not subsidized by taxpayers dollars – as public schooling is – parents must cover all costs associated with homeschooling. (some states and provinces do offer some funding)

Heightened scrutiny. Even though there are more homeschoolers today than ever before, homeschooling faces increasing scrutiny, criticism and negative pressure from government and mainstream educational organizations. Some critics can’t handle seeing parents do a better job educating their children than the “highly” trained professionals in the public education system.

To summarize, the choice is yours. Both homeschooling and public education have their pros and cons. At Schoolio, we believe parents should choose the best method that empowers their child to love learning – stay curious and find passion in becoming a lifelong learner.

Let’s Talk About: Socialization

Hey Lindsey, what’s the difference between Socialization and Socializing when it comes to Homeschooling?

Ah socialization, the most common question asked of the seasoned homeschooler. It’s asked by grandparents and aunts and uncles and family friends and strangers at the grocery store. It’s the source of memes and eyerolls and, yes, sometimes a snarky reply here and there. You have to cut us a break, because we get asked it A LOT. Like, a lot, a lot. And for some people, it’s actually insulting.

I don’t personally mind answering the socialization question repeatedly because I love to inform people about what homeschooling is really like. Homeschooling has been such an enriching and positive experience for our family that I can’t help but want to recruit everyone else to our side of the fence, where the grass is certainly greener from our view.

I like to answer the socialization question in two parts. Because I think people don’t 100% understand what they’re asking to begin with. There’s a difference between “socialization” and “socializing”. Socialization is the process by which a person learns the norms, values, behaviour, and social skills appropriate to his or her society. Socializing, on the other hand, means mingling sociably with others. When most people ask, “But what about SOCIALIZATION?” they are actually asking if my homeschooled children SOCIALIZE. But, since it was asked, I like to go ahead and answer to both.

First of all, yes, my homeschooled children SOCIALIZE. Homeschooling may be more popular than you realize. The numbers certainly differ from area to area, but in my city of 100,000 people in Eastern Ontario, we have more than 100 children who are part of our formal homeschool group- and there’s many more locally who are not part of the formal group. My children do all their extra curricular activities through our homeschool group, which includes, soccer, gymnastics, swimming lessons, art lessons, skating, and track and field. They go to an academic co-op once a month, and a physical education co-op twice a month in the winter. They go to themed parties for Halloween, Christmas, Easter, and at the beginning and end of the school year (our Not-Going-Back-to-School Beach Party on the first day of public school is a blast every year!), as well as weekly park meet-ups all summer long. We average 3 field trips per month from September to June- way out pacing the public school system- and these aren’t just meeting up at a museum and paying the admission, these are regular school field trips organized by our members and hosted and taught by the experts at the various locations. At all of these events, my children see the same groups of kids over and over. I’ll see an email come through for sign-up for some event, and the first thing I do is text the parents of my kids’ closest friends to find out if they’re signing up for that event too.

One amazing beneficial consequence to doing all our extra curricular activities with the homeschooling group, is that it’s ended the crazed rush of getting dinner, homework, and extra curriculars done on weekday evenings. Gone are spending Saturdays bustling from one child’s activity to the next. Our evenings are peaceful times, with healthy dinners, practical bedtimes, and no stressful rushing. Our weekends are for time together as a family.

Now that SOCIALIZING is out of the way, let’s talk about the word most people actually use without understanding what it means. SOCIALIZATION. If we’re talking about the process by which our young and impressionable children, with their growing and not-yet-fully-developed brains, are taught behaviour that is socially acceptable to the society in which they live- who do you think is best suited to provide this social instruction? The mature, experienced adults in their lives who love and care about them? Or their equally immature and inexperienced peers on the playground?

My homeschooled kids are not “helicopter parented”, in fact those who know me know I advocate strongly for free range parenting, but they do have the benefit of my presence as they learn to navigate the difficult waters of peer interaction and socialization. For example, when in public school, if my child had a problem on the playground with a friend, I wouldn’t hear about it until the end of the day. By then, the details are blurred, and my child has already had to make a decision on how to respond and action that decision long ago, when the incident happened. My feedback and guidance, in this instance, comes far too late. Alternatively, when we’re at homeschool activities, the children go off and play together independent of the adults, while we sit together and socialize ourselves. When something comes up, as always does with children, my children are able to come to me, explain the situation and problem before it’s escalated too far, and talk it through and get my guidance immediately. They can then make a decision about their next course of action, and I send them off to action that decision with the person they’re conflicting with. Social Conflict Expert (adult) Consultation and Guidance Independent Decision and Action. Usually followed up later in the day with reflection when I inquire as to how it went. This supported learning of social interaction and conflict resolution with a mature adult acting as advisor has led me to see many amazingly mature interactions between even very young children when they are both homeschoolers.

Speaking of mature interactions, have you ever sat and had a conversation with a homeschooled teenager? They are amazing individuals who have interests and beliefs, and things to say about them. No stereotypical teenage angst, sullen, withdrawn behaviour. No embarrassment to be talking to “old people”. These young adults are articulate and confident and are as lovely and easy to converse with as any adult my own age. I’ve met introverted and extroverted homeschooled teens, but I’ve yet to ever meet the socially awkward, bow-tied, weird “stepford” kid that gets passed around in the stereotypes of homeschooled children.

The benefits of being socialized as a homeschooler are numerous, and yet a lot is said, especially lately, about the “mental health benefits” to children going to school. And always one of the reasons they benefit from school is said to be the “social aspects”. While some children enjoy school, an equal number, if not more, hate it there, either due to the academics or the “social aspects”. I would argue that the public school system is not a positive social education for the majority.

In public school, children are cohorted based on birth year alone. For homeschooled children, they make friends based on interests and personality, rather than year of birth. Both my children have a “best friend”, and neither of their best friends are the same age as they are. Age is a non-issue when it comes to choosing friends in the homeschool world. Part of the toxic culture of public school is the idea that it is “uncool” to socialize with anyone younger than you. Therefore, rarely does anyone socialize outside their age bracket, especially as they get to older elementary years. The smaller the school your child attends, the fewer options they have for friends out of this select age group.

The culture of public school teaches kids these toxic socialization rules, another one of which is that adults are the enemy. Being close to an adult or teacher is not cool (“Teacher’s Pet”), speaking up when rules are broken is not cool (“Tattle Tale”), and consulting and confiding in parents is definitely not cool. Hiding things from the adults, getting away with things, and breaking rules is what is considered cool in this culture. On top of all this, fitting in is the most important social achievement of all. Above all else, conform. Conform, or your life will be made miserable. Failure to conform to the social rules of public school will end with you either being bullied, or at a minimum ostracized and without friends and support. This is a high pressure atmosphere our young people are interacting in every single day, and it’s no wonder so many children suffer from anxiety. Children who enjoy the social side of school are the ones who are best at conforming, either because it follows their natural personality or because they work at it, which is also high-stress and exhausting even if successful. And I think we all know what constant high levels of stress do to a person’s ability to learn, don’t we?

Now some will say, “but kids need to go to school to learn how to deal with those negative interactions, for the real world!”. Ok first of all, how much is the public school system a reflection of the “real world”? And here’s the difference between being bullied at public school, and dealing with the inevitable jerk at work in the “real world”: when you’re a child at public school (first of all, you’re a CHILD, not an adult), school is your WHOLE WORLD. When you’re an adult and have a job, you may have a jerk for a boss or a colleague that bullies you, but at the end of the day you come home to your family, you have friends who have no relation to your work, and you have support and camaraderie outside of the toxic environment work may be. For our kids, school is it. Yes, they come home to their family who love them and certainly want to help and support them, but remember that the culture of public school has taught them that adults are the enemy, and they know that confiding in their parents will make the bullying worse if it’s discovered by their tormentors. They don’t usually have friends outside of the school, so if they’re an outcast at school, everyone knows it. Children also lack the brain development for the kind of foresight that tells them that this won’t be how life is forever. This is why we see children committing suicide or shooting up their school mere months from graduation. Furthermore, if an adult has a toxic work atmosphere, they can actively work towards changing it- remedial education, job hunting, change of department, etc. Children do not have those options, to them, there’s no way out. Bullying at school is more than “learning to deal with jerks”, it is incessant and inescapable. How can we know all this, and still think the culture at public school is a positive social experience?

So to answer the question they didn’t ask but meant to, yes, my children regularly SOCIALIZE. And to answer the one they did ask but maybe had never really considered, no my children don’t need school to learn SOCIALIZATION. They’re being socialized in a positive, loving environment, and they are, in my opinion, all the better for it.

Let’s Talk About: The Armour Our Kids Wear with Lindsey

Lindsey refers to her child’s attitude as ‘school armour’, what exactly does she mean? Let’s find out.

“I’ve always referred to the attitudes my kids had to wear in school as armour. It’s an attitude, and the attitude says: I’m tough.

I don’t listen to authority because good citizenry isn’t popular.

I don’t care about my grades because learning is for nerds.

I’m sarcastic because it’s funny and makes my immature friends laugh.

I’m rude to my siblings because only my peers are worthy of my respect.

I back talk to my parents because I’m too cool to be a good listener.

I’m cool.

I’m too cool to be a good student, a good sibling, a good kid.

When our kids get home from school each day, they’re exhausted. The weight of carrying their armour around all day has worn them out. Some express this with meltdowns, tantrums, overwhelming emotions (crying or getting angry for no reason). Others express it with bad attitude, being disagreeable, back talking. And others have to zone out, stare at the tv or a video game. And some may tip the other direction, and have an explosive amount of energy, pent up from containing their true selves inside their armour all day. I saw this happen with both my children.

Removing their armour takes time.

March Break, one week, it’s not coming off. Maybe by Thursday or Friday they’re starting to shed the armour and their behaviour is improving, but by Sunday they’re suiting back up again, ready to take on the school environment on Monday morning.

Christmas Break is better, two weeks, maybe two and a half, and by the end of week some of the armour has fallen away and you’re starting to see your sweet, kind child again. It always made me so disappointed if Christmas Break didn’t start until *just* before Christmas. I’d rather the kids have more time off before Christmas than after, more time to shed that armour attitude before the holiday comes around!

Summer was always the best. I couldn’t wait for summer break! Give them a week, give them two, and boom! my sweet kids are back! They’re getting along, they’re friends again, they love their parents and are willing to show it, they’re playing age appropriate games again! They always seemed to regress in terms of interests and play in the summer, but in a good way. They don’t have peers watching them and assessing their every move and decision for “coolness”, so they will engage in more juvenile games. Especially an older sibling playing with a younger one.

I noticed as my oldest promoted through the grades, that it was taking longer and longer for him to shed his armour when school took a break. I could see that with each passing year, the more he wore the armour, the more he became the armour. I felt that if something didn’t change, he would just become the kid he was while wearing his armour. Maybe that’s what an obnoxious teenager is after all, they are your sweet child, trapped in the armour they wear to protect themselves from the world?

And what of the kids who don’t figure out how to wear the right armour? What of the sweetest, gentlest, kindest and most naive of our children? Those without armour are the ones who fall victim. They get bullied, they are nerds, they are outcasts. They’re in danger of feeling rejected, shunned, being physically harmed, emotionally damaged, or developing mental illness. Not wearing armour isn’t the easy way.

Our kids need to wear their armour. Until our school systems are torn out at the roots and rebuilt in a better, healthier, more kindness and community based way, the best we can do for them is help them polish their armour. Help them carry the load. Be understanding, patient, and kind when they seem distant, rude, and unreachable. Teach them to use their armour as a shining knight would, to defend those they come across without any on at all. Our kids can’t remove their armour if they feel their parents are angry, annoyed, or impatient with them. That’s not to say that bad behaviour doesn’t require discipline, but try not to start believing they are the armour and not the kid underneath. You know who they are. Who they really are. Be as patient and understanding of the stress and weight their armour puts on them as you can. And be there, waiting for them, when they do find those times that they’re able to drop the armour off, shed its weight, and be themselves.”

I love this armour metaphor that Lindsey is talking about here. Are your kids holding tight to their armour from school? There’s hope. As Lindsey said, it takes understanding, patience and kindness even when they’re driving you nuts with their attitude. Lindsey was able to peel back the armour that her kids were wearing – you can too!